I need to talk

after so long, I am writing this because I need to talk...

I need to talk to somebody, but I dont want to worry anyone or make other feels the same way.

So if you are reading this, thank you for reading/ listening to my inner voice...

it has been 4 months since my first posting to an island in Klang called Pulau Ketam.

Life has been wonderful and bad at the same time...

I enjoyed my life very much over here. to the extend that I think I could stay here for a few more years...

but things started to change lately, not that I dont like here anymore.. I just wish I could stay near him...

nearer to him to take care of him...

who is that he or him right? just somebody I love.

so what happened was he got into an accident. This is not a joke, it's a bike accident.

the thing I prayed so hard to never see again was him getting into any accident especially bike... after my friend's accident long long time ago...

I warned him everyday to be extra careful on roads.

and then one day, bang! He got into one! It was our school holiday and worst, I was sleeping like a pig at home..

I only realised what happened when his mother called early in the morning..

and I was only told that nothing broke and he got some external injuries...

what a relief, only external injuries right? (phew)

then the next day, he called after missing some calls from me since yesterday...

i thought when he called, means everything was okay so I asked for his photo..

he refused to...i know somewhere something is not right... but I believe in him..

how much he loved me to tell me he was alright when he was so much in pain...

how much his friends cared for me to never reveal a single word about his real situation to me..

all I heard was he was okay, everything was alright... I really wanted to believe in them and those words..

maybe I shouldnt be writing this, but somehow I found out...

everything will be okay kan? still have works to complete kan? gotta pull all my strengths together kan? solve everything before I go to you kan?

pushing myself all the way to this post...

I am such a bitch! such an E or F girlfriend!

how can I not be there for you when you in pain...

how can I not go to you who are sick right away when you did that all the time for me...

how can I do this to you?

How can I not understand you or understand myself who care so much about each other?

at this point, I started to ponder if I should stay here longer.

I should be somewhere near you.

I should be there for you...

not only think about my work when such sh*t happened...

since when you jadi macam mamat korean drama who always claim themselves to be okay bile x okay woyh!